Tuesday 23rd feb – Melbourne.
Today I write, dear ones, thru a blue fuzzy Macintosh screen. My computer has obviously decided that I write far too much bullshit, far too often, and has chosen to don its jade tinted glasses for the better part.
This has me crossing fingers, toes, legs and arms in a fancy ‘Eagle’ like yoga pose, when ever I turn on said machine, in the hope that after a good nights sleep the blue fuzz will have miraculously disappeared.
The first thing I want to talk about today are the, without fail, symptoms that my body vomits up each and every time I reside in a city, or overtly urban area:
1. the desire to eat, fly’s ceremonially out of the window,
2. therefore I loose weight. Not in a graceful yogic, athlete sort of way, but in that heroine chique, starvation kind of way that leaves me with dark circles under my eyes and cracked lips…not attractive….
3. my skin turns into a barren wasteland of perished epidermis that fades day by day, until any sign of luscious Byron Bay sunkissedness, is banished by the pale, flaky cloak of the smoggy city.
4. my hair smells like a fast food chain, pretty much 24hours a day. My treasured locks act as a sort of sponge for foul back street odours, that replay over as I lye in my bed ready to sleep.
5. each and every muscle in my body aches, or has bunched up into a tangled knot of pressure, due to the lack of yoga, and the increase in traipsing the city streets daily, in an endless bit to save myself the $3 tram fare.
And that my lovelies is how one creates “the Melbourne/ London/ Sydney/ New York look”.
So I started my new job yesterday at Naked Treaties, an entirely organic range of yummy cakes and treats that are entirely raw, gluten, sugar and dairy free… today I got to sample the cheese free, berry cheesecake and my god… this is a reason to turn vegan I swear….
So this morning I, once again, made the half hour walk from my hostel to the Naked Treaties kitchen in Collingwood.
It is a pleasant walk thru the little park, along Gertrude and Brunswick street and over to Smith Street. This way I get to look in all the windows of the shops and indulge myself on the smells of freshly baked muffins and fresh frothy coffee that I cannot afford, like one of the lost boys at the imaginary feast.
Speaking of depressive monetary conditions, I just had THE most exasperating supermarket journey…. I made may way to the ludicrously priced ‘Coles express’ next to Melbourne central train station, to purchase 1 apple, 1 banana, 1 small tin of tuna and 2 mushrooms…I shall explain:
the apple is to prevent scurvy, the tuna is my only source of protein, and since I am spending most of day at the library (which is incredibly strict on food policies) I shall not be regained access with half a packet of ryvitas in my bag…so I chose mushrooms to use as an alternative cracker/sponge like device….. and of course, the banana is pudding.
Please remember my friends, that this is my food allowance for the day, and so I look forward to this small ritual with and increasing intensity as the day wears on. I trotted out of the most expensive supermarket in the world, and plonked myself down on the grass outside the library with my tummy already complaining…. as my excited fingers fumbled to crack open the tiny tin, I gasped with disbelief. This, was not the tin of lemon and pepper tuna that I always eat, no sir, this faker was covered in a dubious white, creamy substance that upon further inspection was infact…mayonnaise! uuuurgh! i couldn’t believe it, my one vaguely filling course was ruined by a few measly bits of sweet corn, and a dollop of factory reproduced mayo…bastard.
Deflated, I bit into my royal gala apple, “you’re a shabby substitute for my tuna” I sighed. Still, I tried to salvage what was left of my teddy bears picnic, and nibbled my core down to the pips, sucking every inch of juice from its carcass. On to the banana, desert, and once again, a more filling portion of my meal, that, I retold myself for the umpteenth time, “contains potassium, that stops your muscles from cramping and lines your stomach”….a daily fact that, somehow, elevates the banana to ‘king of the fruit world’ in my eyes. I peeled back its leathery jacket, making sure to get the stringy stuff that clings with determination to the main attraction, like a bad warm up act. I carefully broke away the first inch and looked down to find “NOOOOOOO!” my fruit of the loom was BAD!......
By this point I was actually fighting back the tears, and was ready to pack my bags and go home…. “Right” I said to myself thru gritted teeth “that’s it, there has got to be some good luck for me soon…surely?!....”
So there you have it for now. I am now readying myself to go and see 2 houses tonight…I am hoping 1 of them works out well, especially after my tunary banana afternoon….